14 November 2011 by Published in: rants 1 comment

Writing a moderately-trafficked blog, I sometimes get some interesting search queries. Thanks to the awesome folks at Clicky Analytics, I get pretty incredible data on what people are searching for who somehow end up here.

Most of these searches are pretty on-topic.  If you’re searching for Instruments crashing, for instance, some blog post here is likely to help you.  On the other hand, some people search for ridiculous things and end up here.   When that happens, it’s the unlikely circumstance that Google really has no relevant content on the topic, and sends me traffic by mistake.  Let’s fix that, by writing relevant content for these searches.  Sort of like a Frequently Asked Questions, except more of a Frequently Seen Searches.  I’ll use

Really Big Text

to clue Google in about what I’m writing about.  I’ll primarily cover things not covered elsewhere on this site, and also things where I have little enough to say that I won’t end up writing a full post about it.  My information will be highly relevant and perhaps even helpful, on occasion.  All these are real searches that ended up on Sealed Abstract.

iPhone Freelancer Pay Rate

Anywhere from $100-$250/hr, for somebody competent.  No, you cannot grab some kid out of high school and pay him below market, it won’t work out for you.

How to identify if someone is really an iPhone Developer

Look at their portfolio?  Ask to see apps they’ve written?  Really the trick isn’t so much just being an iPhone Developer, the bistable system, but being competent.  And if you’re trying to identify competence, well, that’s the oldest problem in technical recruiting.  My company offers that as a service.

people who want to work for equity

a.k.a. 50/50 revenue share development app and iphone freelancer to work for equity and app development 50 50 and countless other variations.  This one, and its misspellings, constitute a lot of searches.

See also: Bigfoot.  They don’t exist.  If you find one, they are running some type of scam worthy of a Nigerian prince.  No seriously, they don’t exist.  Read one of my many articles about it.  Just stop.  Step away from the keyboard.  Coffee break time.

why wont developers work for equity only

Because they want to eat.  Do you work for equity only?

“work for hire” “source code” didnt pay

I’m not sure which side of the dispute the searcher is on, but generally speaking, a contractor will hold source code until they’ve received full payment.  Source code is a contractor’s final recourse.

Is it standard to provide the code when contracting?

No.  But it’s not not standard either.  Different contractors do different things by default.  Some contractors charge a premium for this.  Check your contract.  If you don’t have a contract, you should.

Pictures of thirsty people

Here you go.

How to make an angry birds clone

There’s a really great tutorial already on this.  I don’t understand why Google sends me traffic about this.

On the other hand, if you’re looking to make a commercially-successful game, Angry Birds is a really poor way of going about it.  One searcher asks “Is there any money in making an angry birds clone?”  The answer is no.

Bands I’m listening to the most

Dream Theater, BT, JT Bruce, Tally Hall, Kamelot, Symphony X, Freakeys, Rhapsody of Fire, Power Quest, Angra, Nightwish, A Fine Frenzy, Coheed & Cambria, OK Go, Rush, Iron Maiden, Pomplamoose, Bit Shifter, Madeon.

Wakemate worth it? / Should I get a WakeMate?


what use do dichotomies have?

Well, either they have a use, or they don’t.

steps to get an iphone

Step 1:  Go to an Apple Store.

That’s about it, really.

srl $a0 $a0

Yes, so I realize that I have published MIPS assembly on this site, but you really can’t just expect to google a random line of MIPS source (there are many searches like this) and expect enlightenment.  Try something like the MIPS instruction reference.

Offering RSA public key

Here you go:

ssh-rsa AAAAB3NzaC1yc2EAAAADAQABAAABAQC3YFzoPR78SsRE6qXxgfICFH/77NewOY9JfBf7Iwa07aqNXk4ynSdZKLx08LoOgli208BM4HW+4IHzwymIpVECKKxSWpHlyhyudBfPQuQQ+eGM6xP9iJzCAmQwgMWVzUQ7nB4DDoLZXtoTKlhi8OjWc+YRL9MiaZSvgaAh5lWgeciCVU9pvaMf+YWKMUK9UW0jTPRsXzdnMfii8AcUbfotSkLwxb0a2gRVJTAiRPydrQwrbNL38T0EmFz7Gt8hqgZBxQ0LI2VtN2GGtoRM7zfn0gg7E+2IE0PzVW5fKc+YZOL6xxkwtnjb8lBSnVYSDZj/yUrNmYDwM+FO3C0/WehP drew@sauron.local

I will work for one year and i will save $36k

Good for you!  Most americans only save $392 per year.

Can we make a sealed abstract class?

Not in sane languages.

Why do we need a class that is abstract and sealed at the same time?

In sane languages such as C#, a static class (compiler-enforced singleton) has the effect of being both sealed and abstract, although it is declared to be neither.

But probably the real answer to your question is “because that’s what the C++ specification supports.”  Which explains a lot of things about C++, really.

Oh, and here’s the second joke, left as an exercise to the reader:  It’s possible to construct method definitions in a sealed abstract class that cannot, under the specification, legally be optimized as dead code.

 Emails not legal for contracting?

I always add a clause to my contracts that e-mail to particular addresses constitute written notice.  That eliminates a lot of problems.

That said, even without such a clause, e-mail is a much more reliable medium for legal purposes than, say, meetings.

Why would anyone want to be successful?

At first I was thinking that the stupidity of this particular searcher might set a new record, but after thinking about it, the question has a certain existentialist depth to it.

find lost developer iphone

I would suggest you contact the police.

out of work iphone developers

See also:  people who want to work for equity, Bigfoot.

Why is it hard to write software to solve the problem?

Probably because the problem isn’t very well-defined.  Effective software projects start with a thorough specification that defines the project goals and objectives.  If you don’t have an awesome spec, you won’t have awesome software at the end of it.

Equity deals for ideas

These also don’t exist.  pg wrote about this:

Actually, startup ideas are not million dollar ideas, and here’s an experiment you can try to prove it: just try to sell one. Nothing evolves faster than markets. The fact that there’s no market for startup ideas suggests there’s no demand. Which means, in the narrow sense of the word, that startup ideas are worthless.

What does application mean in math?

Your guess is as good as mine.  I’m not sure if the mathematicians themselves have straightened that out.

Is there a theoretical mathematician

Another one of those excellent existentialist questions.

Is it hard to make $100k from ios store?


If I pay for software is it legal?

Probably not, for many definitions of “it”.

Im iphone developer, whats next

Write some apps.

if i clock in but forgot to clock out at work can my employer stop my pay for that day?

I am not a lawyer, but probably not.  Generally, your contract with the employer, whether verbal or written, specifies “hours worked” and not “hours clocked in”.

a at&t abstract commerical when a dude is sitting down and he is doing things with his hands.

You ask, I deliver.


 municipalities, obtaining a business license is easy. or, if you know someone with a business license or have any connections with a not for profit – a little creativity and i think this would be easily solved.

I’ve noticed an interesting trend–people just paste in random parts of longish sentences from some other document(s) into Google and click around.  Like this one:

may be expensive, you’re constantly losing money getting the resources for the software, unless the client pays more.

Somebody obviously just pasted an e-mail or some such into Google.  Mystery:  I’m nowhere near the front page for this search.

I would love to know why this is.  Just bored at work and have nothing better to do than leaking confidential documents?

 online tools automatically make things fun magic put random words sentence or a pattern or loads a picture or it asks me a bunch of questions and writes down like an analysis or a summary based on what i say kind of like a madlib or something

Give this a shot.  (You have to click twice.)

“timely” software or app or application or applications or displaying or display or tracking or track or location or online or network or networks or networking or entertainment or newsletter or newsletters

I think I could probably answer this query with any arbitrary search page, but I’m going to go with a shameless plug, Timely.

Anyway, I think that’s enough for now.  Hopefully these little mini-posts have contributed in some small way to improving Google’s search quality and answering the obscure questions on the Internets.  Either that or given us all something to laugh about.

Want me to build your app / consult for your company / speak at your event? Good news! I'm an iOS developer for hire.

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  1. Phillip
    Thu 29th Dec 2011 at 4:25 am

    OMG There are unicorns all over my screen!

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